~ 30 June 2004 ~

Unleashing a Pummeling

Apparently having the Kentucky Derby was not enough of an premier sporting event for our fine city of Louisville—that’s why we’re inviting the world’s most famous ear-biting rapist to a come perform. That’s right, Iron Mike Tyson will be fighting here in Louisville on July 30.

Not to worry, however—Iron Mike has changed his evil ways:

Tyson disputed a story in a London tabloid that quoted him saying he was homeless and taking handouts from “unsavory characters.” But he admitted his move to a simpler, quieter life hasn’t been easy.

“I was addicted to chaos and that’s why I’ve had a very difficult time settling into the person I am now,” he said. “I never allowed chaos to stop being in my presence. Chaos was a really big influence on me.”

Hmmm…I assume this means Mike has beaten his Chaos addiction. Way to go Mike. But why are you here now?

“I slept with the devil for a long period of my life,” he said. “That didn’t kill me, so I guess I’m here to do something positive.”

Good thing he didn’t bite your ear off. So how do you think you’ll fare in this upcoming fight?

“I have a strong internal fortitude when I’m really interested in doing something,” he said. “Like when I have my mind made up to make a fool of myself, I’m very successful at doing that. If I have my mind made up to make a success of myself, I’m very able to do that as well.”

Which will show up July 30? The fool or the success? Whichever Tyson shows up, he’ll be sure to do it well.

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1 Comments:

  1. matt h. » 30 June 2004:

    Wanna try to get tickets to the fight? =)

    Like many Americans, I think Tyson is a bizarre freak – but I still want to see if he’s still got it.

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