The Nincompoop Awards

For When Celebrities Open Their Mouths…

Yes, it is a real word. There are so many nincompoop–worthy moments out there, somebody has to keep track of them. Here are this week’s contestants:

Honorable mention: Scarlett Johansson

Miss Johansson makes this week’s awards for her criticisms to the journal Cosmopolitan of President Bush. She remarked in a recent interview:

“We are supposed to be liberated in America, but if our President had his way, we wouldn’t be educated about sex at all,” she told Cosmopolitan.

“Every woman would have six children and we wouldn’t be able to have abortions.”

Methinks, Miss Johansson, that any woman who has had six children is probably pretty knowledgeable about the birds and the bees.

Runner-up: Rosie O’Donnell

When talk-show host Kelly Ripa’s mouth was rudely covered by guest co-host Clay Aiken , she told him she didn’t like him doing that, because after all, you never know where somebody’s hands have been. Connecting the obvious dots on her own talk show, The View, ex-comedienne Rosie O’Donnell promptly accused Ripa of being homophobic. That’s right, if you don’t like other people touching your mouth, you’re bound to be homophobic these days. [Video]

Winner: Michael Richards

When the former Seinfeld star was heckled on stage during a stand-up comedy show, he went into a racist, Mel Gibson-like tirade. He went, in other words, bezerk. Then, he showed up on the David Letterman show to give a really bizarre apology. When watching it, you almost expect him to say, “These pretzels are making me thirsty.” One can hardly blame some in the audience for laughing.

That’s all for now, but once word gets out of this prestigious award, competition will be fierce. Stay tuned.