Please, be seated

It’s official. Standing ovations are now meaningless. I recently attended a political event here in Washington where nine presidential candidates came to speak to a crowd of nearly 3000 people. The same crowd gave every candidate a standing ovation. While some of this was due to the politeness of the crowd, it was noteworthy that… Continue reading Please, be seated

Gator Hater Week 2007

One point. That’s the margin by which the Florida Gators won in last year’s game against Tennessee. Does such a slim margin mean that we should hate the Gators any less? Absolutely not! There’s still plenty of hatred to go around. One of the questions that I’m most often asked regarding the Gators is this:… Continue reading Gator Hater Week 2007

Bat Boy, R.I.P.

It was with great sadness that I learned of the demise of one of my most trusted news sources, the inscrutable Weekly World News. The New York Times reports that the venerable supermarket staple is soon to shutting down the press. This is a great loss to the world checkout line journalism. Weekly World News… Continue reading Bat Boy, R.I.P.

Bear Grylls Facts

I’m excited about the return tonight of the Discovery Channel series, “Man vs. Wild.” If you haven’t seen it, you should. Former British special forces adventurer-extraordinaire Bear Grylls parachutes into a remote location with only a knife, a flint, a water bottle (and a camera crew that refuses to give him aid). His goal is… Continue reading Bear Grylls Facts

The 40-year-old…intern

The Associated Press is reporting that an intern with the U.S. National Archives stole 164 Civil War documents (including an announcement of President Lincoln’s death), which he subsequently put on Ebay. That’s weird. But that’s not the weirdest part. You see, the thief is conspicuously reported as being a 40 year-old unpaid intern. The report… Continue reading The 40-year-old…intern

Conspiracy Theory

Last week, some nameless fool stole my license plate from my parked car, prompting the need for a trip to the DMV Saturday morning to obtain a new one. As I waited in the long, seemingly eternal DMV line, I wondered to myself what would prompt someone to steal a single license plate in a… Continue reading Conspiracy Theory

2007 Prognostications

I’m neither a prophet, nor the son of a prophet. If I were, these would be my predictions for 2007: Britney Spears will introduce a new underwear line that is certified child labor–free. As a matter of fact, “Invisible” — as the line will be called, will be labor–free altogether. Against my better judgment, I’ll… Continue reading 2007 Prognostications

Dead man writing

The news of President Ford’s death has caused some bloggers to remember this video, where SNL comedian Dana Carvey, acting as Tom Brokaw, pre-records the announcement of Ford’s death — in 1996. It’s a funny video, given the fact that it is now common practice for news outlets to have completed obituaries on hand before… Continue reading Dead man writing

The Nincompoop Awards

For When Celebrities Open Their Mouths… Yes, it is a real word. There are so many nincompoop–worthy moments out there, somebody has to keep track of them. Here are this week’s contestants: Honorable mention: Scarlett Johansson Miss Johansson makes this week’s awards for her criticisms to the journal Cosmopolitan of President Bush. She remarked in… Continue reading The Nincompoop Awards

Inflation

Remember the old saying, “Hey buddy, can you spare a dime?” Heard on the street today: “Hey buddy, can you spare a dollar?”